Growing Up

It has been a while. So much has happened since my last post, as life does roll on even though we may not.

Maybe I am mean because she has what I used to have – you, your full attention and effort.



Being unhappy is really tiring. Being unsatisfied is also tiring. So is striving for other people, living for other people.

My issue is not restriction. My issue is that I don’t know what to do with my life. My ambitious thirteen year old self anticipated that I would have found myself by the time I hit eighteen. I was so sure that my life would be on track. I understood that this track may not be flowers and rainbows and always easy but i was certain that, I would at least be on the right track. In retrospect, I was naive. Six years rolled by and this expected “track” is probably there but I’m not on it. I can’t say for sure why or what happened but I’m not on it. I haven’t found myself and it’s a bit hard watching those that have. Sure, I am happy for them but at the same time, it’s difficult not to reflect upon why they are there and I am not.

I don’t want to spend my whole life searching and looking for who I am. I want to have it all figured out like any other control freak. I want to have this “life” business analysed, ripped apart and understood. I want to have a strategy to play the game of life.

Growing up, I’ve hated losing. I feel like I’m losing now and I still hate it.



I have tried so, so hard to forget about you, forget about us. But then you turn up again and return to my life. this is so unfair.

why can’t i just marry bread.